最近经常失眠。

本来很累，躺下去又开始想东西，一个接一个画面。

或者不习惯。没有了晚安。

 

我知道又是一个戒毒的过程。

经历过所以知道要怎样引导自己。

原来真会有伤痕。

这次都算风平浪静，不会像上次一样emotion up and down like a roller coaster....

 

每次这种心情都需要莫文蔚的声音陪伴。

懒懒的哑声，有点惆怅。

淡淡的。不可言喻，像跟我脑里的声音在倾诉。

现在播着 《爱情》

 

若不是因为爱着你，怎会到夜深还没睡意，
每个念头都关于你，我想你，想你，好想你。
若不是因为爱着你，怎会有不安的情绪，
每个莫明的日子里，我想你，想你，好想你。
爱是折磨人的东西，却又舍不得这样放弃。
不停揣测你的心里，可有我姓名。
若不是因为爱着你，怎会不经意就叹息。
有种不完整的心情，爱你，爱你，爱着你。
爱是我唯一的秘密，让人心碎却又着迷，
无论是用什么言语，只会，只会，思念你。
若不是因为爱着你， 怎会不经意就叹息，
有种不完整的心情，爱你，爱你，爱着你

歌词有一半属于我的心情。

 

人大了感情不易外露

总觉得难以启齿

无法表达

说得多又太浮夸

时间匆匆就像流沙
一年转眼即逝

然而自己还是还迷惑

人生方向

 

异国总是孤单

大半人生都是游子

觉得应该多陪父母

身边朋友都不是开怀畅谈的

可以那些原在世界另一边

所以会失落

而且无从发泄

 

情感是偶发的事件

用偏方治好失眠

 

 

 

 

 

 

吃饭的时候看Amazing Race. 每个team在巴西的各个challenge胜出才可以赶上下一趟飞机，otherwise is out. 看着每个team从几十楼的网上爬下来，真够惊险刺激。

每个team的组成都不一样，有son and mom, dating couple, married couple, divorced couple, frat boys. best friends, etc. it was very interesting to see what kinda strategies each group uses,and the kinda wisdom from the age/experience/skill set that each member bring in the group.

 

I liked three groups the most:

 

1. The lost team - the oldest couple in the race. they look like 60+ old...both white haired, but tried their best to win....i didnt expect that they actually climbed down that net...it was so freaking high and they did it! i was so proud of them....whats more amazing is that they carried on till the end..and they held hands all the way during the race. Seeing this old couple supporting each other for this kind of challenges was quite moving. And when they found out that they lost, the man said, "I am very proud to do this race. I did it for __(his wife's name), for our kids, grandkids, and we can go back and tell them stories. It is such a privilege to compete with all other teams. they are all amazing people! "

 

2. The best friends - mid age men. They improvised their strategies along the challenges presented...and your best friend is truly your best parter to solve problems.

 

3. The mom and son - It is great to do something like this with your parent...I really wish i could do this with my dad too...it will be awesome to travel around the globe and finding clues and win some competition! hahah i think we will be a great team too =] no fear!

 

 

 

This is exactly how i feel...经典coldplay

 

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse.

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

 

然后是五月天温柔 拉阔版 - 自由了

分-好像说得一点都不痛不痒，一条信息，三言两语，就结束了。 向来都是我说的算。

one way 的地方再怎么走还是没有出路，总会有尽头，时间而已。

这样子更好，完成得销声匿迹。

 

每天的时间表都排得满满。没有空暇的时间就没有无聊的念头。

忽然发现我的小世界没有很多感动，激动，兴奋。好像就是在几个东西之间周转。

二十岁前的spontanious的东西好像很久没有发生。

让我今晚忽然想去砸别人的车玻璃 - just for fun =]

 

今天奢侈的有午睡的时间，好好休息会让人神气焕发。秋高气爽的天气似乎寄寓着新的开始。

买了绿茶雪糕，要好好慰问自己。

最近好像又瘦了。爸妈知道的话又要嚷嚷。

 

不过，这个学期很好的有几个好玩的好友陪伴每个周末。桌球，保龄球，电影，火锅，有人气的地方起码我不会觉得孤独。

好好提升桌球技术也不错。

今晚居然还玩了跳舞机 - 呵， 初中的玩意。 小时候真好。人忽然觉得老了。

想的事情多了，担心多了，害怕多了，考虑多了，疑惑多了。总觉得自己在迷宫力。再等一个人，一件事，一个signal - 引发惊天动地的变化

像最近的wall street...哗哗啦啦的改变得多么彻底 - 就是这样才爽快！

i feel something invisiable behind me that pushes me to break away...

 

前几天career fair 尽力了，就好。希望越少，失望越少。

但是，自己的追求到底是什么？

 

lolo and windy 的wedding 来得够突然，真好。

好让我没有准备就落伍了。

都不知到怎么形容心情，尤其是windy。

很不好意思，两个人都第一时间告诉我这个好消息

而我却无能为力地不能参加。

昨天看到Lolo的blog,本来想留个言的..还是难以启齿。应该和gally的感觉相似吧。好像妈妈要把女儿嫁出去的不舍吧..然后觉得好像很多都每做他们就要从女生变成别人老婆了...

windy...我们还没有一起在广州工作生活呢...

 

昨天晚上忽然很乡打电话给啊强...可惜没有他的电话....

以前有什么想聊的都可以同傻强稀里哗啦的说一通

而且好像都很奏效，啊强有让人振奋的作用

然后有觉得很可悲，好像在gnv都没有可以聊的朋友

 

mask and deep down seem so isolated...

 

i remember ray and his mom both said that they dun like cats....

cats are witty...

unexpcted..

mysterious....

神经兮兮...

狡猾，古怪，

也许我上辈子是只猫

而且是懒的那种.....hehe

 

说到这又想起windy and kiki...

kiki always call me "懒猫"...now she's getting married and pregnant...and from what i heard...getting prettier and motherly....how envious i am =]

and windy always brought me breakfast...my lovely breakfast box...

always treat me so well...

and if i were a boy,

i knew that i would love her to death!

 

but i am really happy for her...with ah bo....and i know he will be good for her as long as he loves her and treats her well...

and so is becky and luo ji....such perfect couples...

so much congratulations for them...

 

sometimes i wish i were a baby

被别人捧在手心，细心呵护

然后我就会笑得很甜

呵呵，会的，很快

 

i realized that i travel much less these days...

the desire to explore the world has faded a bit...

i wanna pick it up...

and eric....u know...that scene at Philadephia in the jazz cafe...was so random..and so perfect....

everything's gonna be alright...no woman no cry....

life should be just as unexpected...and the greatest will come when you have least expectation

(dun know whats going on with him now...hope that life for him and his dad are turning better)

 

sometimes soulmate is hard to find...but we know we have it..

just the way we appreciate it...

and for me, they tend to be NOT physically around me...

so internet is my remote connection to them...

i really wish they were next to me and i can hug them when i need it...

i can talk and cry an ocean if i want to...

just free spirits and open up my emtion so nakedly in front of them...(Natasha Bedingfield Soulmate - a song i like)

 

写作总是发泄，我希望自己开心的时候也要多写。

好像美好的时间都用照片记载，

不开心用文字release,

a picture says more than a thousand words..

maybe u guys just need to see me cry

or not

just kidding

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's over.

 

When come to a point we realize efforts dun count, it's time to give up.